Monthly Archives: January 2013

My Story

There are probably a lot of people who are walking this journey with me who know my story and the things I've been through. I also think that there are a lot who might not. I would love for everyone to know my story and what Christ has done in my life. We do overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony. I am going to stay away from super detailed stories just because I want to focus on what God has done and it would be way too long haha. I was raised in an amazing family with parents who love Jesus. They did the best they know how to raise us up in a Godly home. It wasn't perfect. We weren't the best at confrontation and kind of swept things under the rug but love and support was always so strong in my home. I thank God every day for the amazing parents and family I have. I went to private Christian school 1-8 grades. I learned so much there, about God and his word, as well as good study habits and working hard in school. For high school I went to CHS, Coeur d'Alene High School. I mainly went there for sports. I excelled in soccer and wrestling, mostly soccer. I learned a lot there too. Mostly about how to get decent grades with as little work as possible, skipping class, partying, drugs, girls and all sorts of stuff. It was quite a stark contrast to my private school days. Very soon image, social status, being the best soccer player, having the cutest girl, and being the coolest guy around were my priorities. I was doing really well at them too. But now I can see how I really felt back then. Nothing ever really satisfied, or not for very long at least. Nothing was ever good enough for me. I had to be cooler, better at soccer, needed at hotter girl, whatever. I also got in a lot of trouble. I got a DUI my senior year in Highschool. That hurt in so many ways. I had a lot of people looking up to me and I let them down. I got suspended from soccer and my title as captain taken away. I worked my butt off to show everyone how sorry I was. I developed a view that working hard is how I show everyone I mean I am sorry. Which can be good but not when I turned it into what I did. Which was making up for mistakes with hard work and not truly repenting for what I had done. I graduated Highschool and went to college. I received a full ride scholarship for soccer and was quite proud of what I had done for myself. My college experience was like Highschool but bigger. More parties, girls, and athletic accomplishments, and it still wasn't truly fulfilling. I could get into details of the stories of my partying and stuff but I want to make sure I don't glorify any of the things used to do. In Highschool I dabbled in drugs and sold a little bit but in college I tried a drug called OxyContin. It truly grabbed a hold of me my life changed dramatically. I remember the first time I did it I said that if I could feel like that all the time I would. I thought it what was that fulfillment I had been looking for. I got hooked right away. I started selling it so that I could support my habit for free. After two years of college and soccer, excelling at both, I decided I wanted the lifestyle of selling and doing drugs more. I walked away from soccer, my life, and college. I just quit showing up to both. I started down a path that I had no idea would lead me down years of hurt and pain. That fulfillment I thought I had found quickly became something was different. During my addiction I became someone I never thought I'd be capable of becoming. Every little piece of morality I had left was gone. I became consumed in selfishness. I was committing crimes, robbing, steeling, and manipulating everything and everyone I could. That included friends and even my own family. I was in and out of treatments and different facilities. I moved around to try and get away but everywhere I went there I was. I couldn't run away from me. I became so wrapped up in shame and condemnation. I always tried going back to the guy I used to be before the drugs and could never do it. During that time I lost so much! God has restored so much but it has been a long process and there are a lot of friends and people I hurt that still need a lot of reconciliation. The entire time God was calling me. I would try and answer but there was always something I was unwilling to surrender and I wouldn't seek him long. I finally found myself in jail facing an abundance of different charges. My first time in jail I was incarcerated for 11 months and part of that was in prison. The situation didn't make me run to God, I just became more of a victim. I got consumed with the "prison mentality". When I had served my time and thought I was getting out, I found out that I had a warrant in WA and was transported there. It was there where I finally had an encounter with God that was honest, powerful and changed my life forever.
More to come:)

Consistency

I have had some time to really think back about all the amazing things that The Lord has done in my life. I could write page after page about His goodness being made known in my life, which perhaps I'll do sometime. God really started to show me in my life how much his faithfulness and consistency have drastically changed my life. I haven't always been able to tell or haven't always felt it but He has always been there for me. Through my high school years of surrendering to Him and then taking my image and status back. Through my drug addiction and intense rebellion. Through all of the broken commitments He has been there. I remember when I was reading in Psalms and The Lord rocked me with, "The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go, both now and forever" (Psalms 121:8 NLT). He has always been there, wether I was coming to him or going away from Him. Not only has He been there Himself, He has put people in my life that were so faithful as well. I have a close friend who is a pastor who has literally been there for me through EVERYTHING. He was there when I was so on the fence through out high school, while I was strung out, and was there to help disciple me when I finally was willing to surrender everything to God. Always available, always willing to be there. He isn't the only one. I have had a couple friends, who weren't even walking with The Lord, show me Christ like love with out them even knowing it. God created them with a loyalty that is from him and I can see that now and how they have shown that love to me. One last example. I have a mentor that has been not only there for me when ever I have needed him, but he has pursued me. If he hadn't heard from me in a while or seen me he would make sure to go out of his way for us to connect. He has been a great example to me of not only God's consistency, but of how He pursues a relationship with us. He has made an enormous impact on my life. The Lord was reminding me of all this for a couple reasons. First was because he is just so awesome. He has put people in my life who have modeled who He is in my life. Secondly, he was showing me so that I could see how much of an impact being consistent in someone's life can make. It's such a blessing when we have those moments when we can feel the tangible presents of God during divine appointments, or when we can minister and show the Father's love to someone. It's not always like that though. What about those days when I don't feel like it or what I am trying to share isn't received? What about the people who I see everyday? The ones who see me in every mood, circumstance of life, victory, and failure. How about the ones who I see all the time and don't seem to be recieving what and who God is? God really has shown me how consistency and faithfulness is so powerful in there lives. This world is full of broken promises, things that come and go, temporary satisfaction and fulfillment. What stands out from this world are things that aren't of this world. I can show people the nature of God if I am willing to let him work through me EVERYDAY. I try to always uplift my therapists and nurses, be real with them when things aren't great, be open, honest, but be consistent in demonstrating who God is through it all. No matter what life, my flesh, or the enemy throws my way, I chose to live in God's reality and be consistent in showing that to the people I am around.