It has been a while since I have posted anything and I have really missed it. The past couple months God has been showing me a lot of new and powerful things. I feel like he was taking some things from my head and transferring them into my heart. That process hasn't been easy. I have had to learn a lot from failing. I have been so blessed through this whole thing with so many people who pray, support, follow, and encourage me. God has given me a opportunities that I could have never imagined. I have been blown away by all that He has been doing to carry me through this whole thing. My life has been changed forever, not just physically but he has been shaping me into who He created me to be. A process that doesn't always look the way I thought I would or feel great.
I have written before about how pride has been a hard lesson for me to learn and I have been blessed with the opportunity to learn, by experience, even more about it. The Bible says the His yoke is easy and His burden is light. I have this crazy ability to take the gifts God has given me and make them mine. When I do that I have found that they are impossible to keep and maintain. God has given me influence, through this, to speak into peoples lives. Somewhere along the lines I took that gift and made it my responsibility and my job to do. It became hard and heavy, not like what the Bible talks about. All of a sudden there is pressure to live up to an expectation. I started to do things on my own strength. It is impossible. Thoughts of worry, to not screw up what God has given me and feeling like I needed to control everything started to creep in.
God is the only source. God asks us to initiate and he empowers through His Spirit. But taking God's calling and making it my own responsibility and something to live up to, isn't His plan. On my own there is no way, it is possible to live up to the calling. I need him to fulfill it. It takes the pressure off, makes the yoke light, and gives freedom. I found it interesting when I found out that in the Old Testament that the same word used for blessing is also used for curse. I believe that God gives us things and we can receive them, turn them into something that is ours and through that it becomes a curse. It adds pressure and a standard we can not achieve on our own.
Me working in me doesn't do anything. But God working in me does everything. I am not my own. I boast in my weakness because He is made strong. All these thing I try and remember when I am starting to take the gifts He has given me and make them my own.